


The Maltese Penguin

by levendis



Series: Prompt Fics [58]
Category: Doctor Who (1963), Doctor Who (Comics)
Genre: Comedy, F/M, One-Sided Attraction, Other, Penguins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-15
Updated: 2016-04-15
Packaged: 2018-06-02 08:59:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6560191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/levendis/pseuds/levendis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peri’s a corker, a firecracker, a dangerous dame, a…hold, on what were those other words? He’s got a phrasebook tucked inside him somewhere.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Maltese Penguin

**Author's Note:**

> for anon, who prompted: Frobisher/Peri: The Penguin Needs Kinkshaming

The lady’s got headlights bright enough to blind a fella, is all he’s saying. And legs that go all the way from here to over there. She’s got charm and moxie and - okay, she’s got a terrible accent, but a guy’s gotta play the hand he’s dealt.

Peri’s a corker, a firecracker, a dangerous dame, a…hold, on what were those other words? He’s got a phrasebook tucked inside him somewhere. But she’s something else, alright. And he’s a Whifferdill. Does he have to say anything more?

Frobisher doesn’t mean to brag, but facts is facts: a shapeshifter is uniquely qualified to please a woman. Or a man. Or a non-binary whomever. So he looks like a penguin for the most part, fine. But they know. They all know. You want two feet of dragon wang? Tentacles? The gentle, delicate filigree of a Xerbrockian in heat? He’s got all that, and so much more.

He’d bet ten mazumas that the look Peri’s giving him, right now across the console, while the Doctor prances around, aroused by the sound of his own voice - that look right there, yeah, that’s a Look. The sexual kind.

So he says, he says to her, he says: “You wanna go somewhere a little quieter?”

Peri rolls her eyes, practically swooning into his arms. “I will go anywhere he is currently not,” she murmurs seductively.

Saxaphones playing, the lens going filmy with Vaseline. They sweep out, hand in flipper. Or his flipper hovering kind of next to around her hand, ish. But they go.

“This is, uh. A place,” she whispers, bosoms heaving. “I guess penguins like to make nests, huh.”

He glances around at his shithole of a room. ‘Nest’ is a word you could use. She used it. He’s in love. Or in lust, at least. He waddles forward, lays a flipper on her hip.

“Um,” she says, voice breathy. “Whaddaya doin’?”

“The same dance a penguin and a woman have done since time began. That old waltz, darling. I go left, you go right, we…”

“What?”

“You know.” He winks, nudges, gestures to where his bed probably is, buried under those plastic plates take-out sushi comes on.

“I like you as a friend, okay, but I’m not interested in…that,” she says, a mix of erotic teasing and deeply-felt regret.

“Yeah, the two of us, this thing we have. Just wasn’t meant to be. Guy like me doesn’t have the luxury of love.” Frobisher leans up and pats her on the cheek.

Peri smiles nervously, edging towards the door. Poor girl, having to carry around that broken heart.

“In another lifetime, maybe,” he says softly, and waddles away, leaving her alone.

And that’s how it always is, isn’t it. Always leaving behind the possibility of redemption, always bleakly forging his own path. It’s just what a penguin’s gotta do in a world like this. Love is for the squares, for the regular people, good people. Not busted-up antiheroes like him. But in another lifetime, yeah. A parallel universe, the Doc would say. Somewhere else, the two of them - they have something nice together. It’s a good thought. It’ll have to do.


End file.
